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Brewsees vs. Other Ways to Pop Top

We teamed up with Brewsees and got drunker than a skunk doin' the ole test-one-drink-one routine to find the limits of drunk ingenuity and opening ice cold barley pops.

Our MacGyvering ways took the reigns similar to how Jesus would have taken the wheel around 1 A.D. Here's the by-product of poppin' top and drinking craft beer from all over the country, minus one macro brew that's described as having sex in a canoe, because it's fucking close to water. 
Advantage - Brewsees: Unless you have Washington's wooden teeth, can snag Lil' John's gold grill at the ATL Wet & Wild party, or have a standing slush fund for root canals, stick to the sunglasses.
Advantage - Brewsees: Say you're not a modern (wo)man rolling exclusively with plastic AND your cheddar isn't half as beaten as ours was...the bill trick's still a royal pain in the ass.
Advantage - 69: Because yeah, I've done 69. I've done all the numbers too. 
Advantage - Neither: Macros twist off, so you'll look like a buffoon trying to pry it open. (No puppies were harmed in the making of this email.)
Advantage - KA-BAR: No one could have been more surprised or enamored with the butter-like ease by which this worked. But, the risk of lip circumcision is a sip away.
Advantage - Brewsees: No comprettiton. Cuz Chaz just took muh keys so I can't drive. I'm drunk. I'm going home now, light a sweet sinnomin kandle and rub me some hot wax on mahself. 
You've seen all the beers we drank, here's the shades that did all the work.